This may be my last blog entry!

To top off my obvious (and nearly famous) inabilities to manage intimate female relationships, I have been suddenly confronted with the most dangerous mixed gender situation of all.  Nope.. Not a jealous husband/boyfriend (I’m pretty good with those!  LOL!), not an unexpected love-child  J or even surprise gender identification L… I am, unexpectedly, face-to-face with the incredibly dangerous female cougar.  Unfortunately, this particular animal has tasted (my) blood before as a kitten and is keenly aware of just how much of a delicacy it is!  LOL!

I have wisely decided to consider many courses of action to defend myself, such as;

          Flee…. far away

          Roll-over and play dead

          Climb a tree and wait until she gets bored and moves on

          Change my name and identity

          Get married to someone else… anyone… immediately (then divorced ASAP)

          Hire a bodyguard(s)

Upon careful analysis of all the options, I initially decided that “rolling over and playing dead” is the best course of action here, but my consultants (who obviously don’t understand women, or survival tactics, to my level) have strongly recommended that I reconsider since, depending on the necessary duration, my personal hygiene may suffer from the implementation of my preferred choice.  It has been suggested that I hire a bodyguard(s) since it is practical and will have a minimal impact on my day-to-day activities throughout the stalking period. 

According to policy, the preferred type of bodyguard is a female of significant attractiveness to intimidate the cougar; ideally accompanied by some legitimate sexual tension for further “taint the meat”.  Since that is an unrealistic expectation (I don’t have the time or money to brainwash a “hot” hooker) I have decided to implement the bodyguard(s) “Plan B” and simply maintain a “presence” of trustworthy associates at all times while staying within well lit public places.

Wish me luck! 

 

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